Thursday, October 20, 2016

Man Claims Life Not Turning Out Like He Thought

Chicago, IL: Stating he never expected his life to turn out in such a manner, Byron Stephenson announced he is finally going to make some changes.

“I really never expected to be here at this age. I mean, I'm 47 years old and what do I have to show for it?”

Stephenson, a board member of Montgomery Ward, has been married to his wife Gloria since they graduated high school. She worked to put him through business college, bearing him a boy and a girl along the way. Upon graduating from college, Stephenson got a job at his local MW store working on the sales floor. As job openings came, he moved up the corporate ladder to management and running the very same store he started in. Soon he came to the attention of corporate headquarters and as soon as a position was available, he was transferred to Chicago.

“It's remarkable, really, to realize I've been moving up while everyone else is moving on,” Stephenson said. “I keep hoping I'll be downsized or rightsized or some sized, but they just keep promoting me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.”

One weekend each month, Stephenson can be found at a local bar playing guitar on stage. He's also a member of the local school board, even though his own children are grown. He organized a Neighborhood Watch program and even raised funds to install new bathroom facilities at a nearby park.

“I don't know where I've gone wrong. Sure, I've got the great job, lots of money, trophy wife who stays home and takes care of the house, fancy car, big house in a great neighborhood, I've got all that. But where's the hardship? Why can't we live paycheck to paycheck like so many others?”

When asked for a comment, Mrs. Stephenson replied, “Whatever Byron said. I agree with him because he's the man and knows better than I do.”

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